I never knew, for example, how much writing would become important to me. I discovered things about myself that I never knew until after Jaime was killed. So active parenting for Jaime actually looks like activism. Everything he wants to pursue in life, I have to make sure I’m a part of it.Īt the same time, I also have to do what I need to do because of what happened to Jaime. Because he is still a very active part of our life and everything that we do. So what is it like to be Jaime’s dad right now? What does active parenthood look like when the child in question is Jaime?Īctive parenthood looks like continually doing what you need to do to ensure you always maintain your focus on your living child. Because that’s how I take her with me when I pursue this mission. I have to believe that she is doing that at all times. And she stands with me and she guides me through it. Our relationship is based upon memories that we had, and it’s based upon memories or new events that will exist because of what happened to her.

It still is, but I think of my relationship with Jaime now as not one of new memories, not one of doing the things we planned to do, not walking her down the aisle. But in the case of Jaime, I’ll always be responding to what happened on Feb. I’ve already told him I’m going to live to 100 so I can continue to do that even when he’s 50 and 60. In the case with my son, that will be ongoing. I’m still a dad, who will spend the rest of his life reacting to what happens to his two kids.

When I stopped thinking of Jaime in the past tense, I started thinking of my relationship with Jaime as just having changed.

Okay Okay by Fred Krebsbach